It seems as if creating successful relationships with oursignificant others and parenting children are two of the most difficultjobs we face and yet we get no formal training in either. It’s as ifpeople believe that we are born with an inherent ability to do thesetwo things. Yet, look around us. In the US, the divorce rate isslightly over 50%! I don’t know anywhere but baseball where a 50%average is a good thing.

Couples go through life getting along when times are good; andfighting with, ignoring, or leaving each other when things get tough.Most people believe that to seek help with their relationships means toadmit a certain kind of defeat that says something about who they areas a person. Or possibly, they believe that relationships are somethingwe are just supposed to be able to manage on our own. Or, finally, somepeople believe that those out there helping couples can’t know any morethan they do. After all, what’s to know about keeping relationshipstogether?

Well, the truth is that there is a whole lot to learn when itcomes to relationships. Unfortunately, the only training most of usever receive is the passive learning we get through the modeling of theadults who live in our house with us and the media. Now, I don’t knowabout you, but my parents had only received the informal training theygot from their parents, and they from my great grandparents and so onback through the generations. There is so much more to know aboutrelationships than that!

Also, my parents have helped support that 50% statistic citedearlier in that they divorced sometime around their 25th weddinganniversary. What I learned about relationships from watching them isthat couples never argue, especially in front of the children. On thesurface, my parents had a very happy marriage but my father experienceda stereotypical mid-life crisis and suddenly questioned the meaning of“life” and decided marriage was holding him back somehow.

In some ways, this type of training may have been as bad asthose who have parents who argue all the time. Disagreements are anatural by-product of relationships. It is virtually impossible for twopeople to come together and create a life without some of their ideals,values, opinions or day-to-day activities coming into conflict witheach other. The question becomes how the couple manages this conflict.

There are many things to consider when speaking about couplesand their challenges and areas for growth and development. The first iscompatibility. I know there is an expression that says oppositesattract and I believe there is some accuracy in that statement when youthink of attraction as that chemical interaction that occurs when twopeople meet and are attracted. This chemical attraction doesn’t carewhat the other person’s values are, what is important to him or her,the personality characteristics involved, or what either of you likesto do in your spare time. Compatibility is a key for a successful,healthy relationship. Go to www.therelationshipcenter.biz and take the free Assessment to determine your compatibility with your partner.

A second consideration is simply that there are majordifferences in how men are in relationships compared to how women are.Women generally don’t understand men because the men don’t act likewomen and similarly, men don’t understand women because they don’t actlike men. And since a woman has never been a man and a man has neverbeen a woman, how does each learn about these important differences?John Gray researched and wrote about these issues in his book, Men arefrom Mars; Women are from Venus. But I would say that the majority ofpeople in relationships don’t take the time to learn about these genderdifferences. It is easier to point a finger and blame the other personfor his or her “irrational” behavior.

As mentioned earlier, a third area of growth is learning how tomanage conflict. There are time proven methods for resolving conflictthat we don’t learn in school or from a book. There are ways toactually hear each other in relationships. By placing the relationshipFIRST in importance, these methods can be implemented by couples togreatly improve their satisfaction.

There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships thatyour parents never showed you. Please don’t become one of thestatistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserablerelationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regretsabout your life as the time ticks away.

Take charge and take control of your life. Learn some new waysto improve the relationship you are already in or to prepare yourselffor being a better, improved partner for the next person in your life.Contact Kim at 708-957-6047 or email at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it about relationship coaching or take one the many Teleclasses scheduled on the Events Calendar at www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz. Don’t wait until it is too late.